I’m thinking about creating blogs called story time, you guys get to have a sneakpeak into the life of me! I’m very clumsy and awkward, mix that with social anxiety makes for good reading.
It was the day before my friends birthday, and of course I’d left everything until the last minute. A thing you will come to learn about me is I don’t go anywhere by myself. I stick to the motto “Safety in numbers.”
I HAD to get these birthday presents that day, there was no other time to go. As usual I hit up all my friends to see who was coming with me to the town centre. As I got a few reply’s (all no’s) that familiar wave of panic came flooding back. I was running out of people to ask, and more importantly I was running out of time. Seems very dramatic I know but I can assure you it gets a lot worse!
I even contemplated just making a card and putting money in it! Nope that wouldn’t work either… it was a joint present and I had so kindly volunteered to get it….
Coming to the conclusion I had to go it dawned on me, I would be in the big bad world all on my own. What am I, 5 years old? I sure felt like it! But fighting the losing battle with the brain I had to choose the one that least scared me. I decided to just man up and make a plan. What shops would I go in, who could I call if I had a panic attack and a time limit to be done by.
Plan made, I rang a taxi trying not to think of the end destination. Checking my money, phone, keys and inhaler one last time I climbed into the taxi. The words Town centre fell out of my mouth, off we set for the 10 minute journey, which felt more like 30. Losing count how many times I checked my money for the taxi, we arrived. Giving the driver the warm coins I had clutched too I made one last check of my flies to check the zipper was up.
I was out!! out in the open… by myself!! I was already proud of myself getting this far so anything else was a plus! Dipping my head and clenching my sleeves I walked towards the first shop.
First shop done and I was already feeling stupid for making a big deal out of nothing, I mean how crazy would it be to just walk out of the house without making 20 different strategy plans, trying to cancel god knows how many times and sitting there for at least half hour constantly changing your mind whether to go or not!
One day Claire one day!
Finding nothing at the first shop I went to the next, but having a mental freak out about a door was not what I envisioned! Push or Pull?
‘What do I do?’
‘I don’t want to look stupid!’
‘It’s too late to turn around now, you’ll look even worse!’
I’m going to push…NO pull!…PUSH/PULL/PUSH/PULL….ARGH!!!….
Oh automatic.. that was certainly a game changer!
Second shop down onto the third. Off I set with my confidence being the best it was going to get in this situation that I had so kindly volunteered myself to be in.
Just when I thought I had it in the bag, I turned the corner and my heart sank quicker than Usain bolt runs, sweaty palms were back and I had so much saliva I thought I was going to drown right there and then.
The clipboard man!!
The man/woman who stops you to sell things, lovely people just doing their job but I could swear he was surrounded by flames and devil horns grew from his head… I’m sure it was just another on of those pesky mind tricks.. Right?
I had no option to scale the wall not making eye contact so I could finish what I came here to do. There was definitely the option of walking like a normal human being but that didn’t occur to me until after.
Edging towards my next shop of choice I’d lost my hands to my armpits, they were hidden so far up my sleeves I didn’t think I would see them again! All logical thoughts were buried deep beneath layers of panic, my breathing? Well next time I’m taking an elastic band to hold my inhaler to my face.
HAHA next time… cute!
Knowing I was nearly there I glanced up to see how close I actually was… BIIIIG mistake! Our eyes connected and from halfway across the town he shouted “Lady with the beautiful red scarf” While saying this he was making strides towards me! What do I do? I just stand there! ‘What are you doing? Just move!’ I could hear my inside voice yelling, but nothing. I just stood there awkwardly as this devil *ahem* Man approaches me.
I greeted the very kind, guy with a croaky hello and a half hearted smile. He asked the usual if I could spare a few minutes. My reply? ‘Sorry I’m late’ as soon as I said this I knew what question was coming next. Why didn’t I just say no? “What are you late for?” There it was the question that was going to lead me to a full blown panic attack right here in the middle of the town centre! Luckily I already had an answer… I was going to say a family meal, simple, everyone can relate he wouldn’t make me even later for great granddad bob’s meal would he? (great granddad bob doesn’t exist)
What came out of my mouth next, shocked me and him! I’m late for college… WAIT! WHAT? college? no? Oh brain how you have failed me again *sigh*
Baring in mind I never went college, and also… it was a SATURDAY!!!
The conversation went on for maybe another few sentences and he ended it with “Ok… Ok I won’t make you late for college” *wink*
After finally getting away from him I was past the point of no return! I ran straight for the taxi rank, hopped in a cab and went home. Still with no presents! Besides I completely forgot it was a Saturday until I got home, in my mind I couldn’t be seen by him again in case he found out I was lying…. Of course he knew!
Moral of the story?
- Don’t lie
- Don’t leave things until the last minute
- Order online!
Thank you for joining my story time, please let me know what you think? Leave me a comment and a like letting me know if you want to hear more!
‘Courage Doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you’